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Abruptly Unengaged

Updated: Sep 27, 2022

Did I tell you about the time I got abruptly unengaged?


I was in my 20’s, living away from my family in the Bay Area. I found myself questioning and floundering and decided that marriage was the next step on my imaginary resume of life. On paper, it made sense. All I had to do was check the boxes and I would be fulfilled and happy. How hard could it be to find my soulmate? No biggie!

Next thing I knew I was knee-deep in wedding plans with minimal concern about the fact that I was committing to share the rest of my life and beyond with someone.

I could go on about the dozens of red flags that arose during the engagement. Just understand this: each flag, no matter how big, I ignored and sometimes even buried like an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Invitations sent. Thousands in deposits. Dresses. Flowers. Housing. Gifts. Catering. Blah, blah, blah. But none of that mattered because in a moment, it was all washed away.

Ten days before the wedding, he performed the kindest gesture in our relationship. He called it off. Now before you think this guy is a total scumbag jerk wad, remember he actually was saving me from a life of misery. Terrible timing? Yes. However, better late than never.

I quickly moved back home like a puppy with her tail between her legs. The shame and embarrassment didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the disappointment I found within myself.

“Lindsi! You knew it wasn’t right. Lindsi, you didn’t listen. How can you ever trust yourself?”

This was the first notable time that I ignored my intuition purposely. We’ve all had those moments when we realize good intentions took a wrong turn and snowballed into a hot mess.


A short time after things fell apart, they came together. I was fortunate to have intense rebuilding, redefining, and soul-searching. I was standing again. In fact, I was standing taller. I was walking by myself. And then irony crept in...his name was Mark.

The last thing I was looking for was a relationship, but that is where I found myself. Less than a year before, I was sailing on De Nile River with Mr. Bay Area. How would I know if I was making the right decision? My gut. My intuition. My Divine Feminine. My angels. They all rallied together to allow me to trust myself again. Mistakes make excellent teachers.

A dear friend once told me, “Your mess becomes your message”, and I hope that you will appreciate my mess and maybe love your mess a little more. Maybe you will love your mess so much that you can begin to find your message and share it.



xo

Lindsi


Anyone can dance. Everyone can connect.
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